Has @Horse_ebooks become self-aware? And has it started self-promoting?
Some background: It is thought that @Horse_ebooks, the funny Twitter robot that chops and screws snippets of text from ebooks and marketing pitches, then regurgitates them into surreal found poetry on Twitter, is entirely automated, and that its aleatory tweets are the happy by-product of a misguided and nonsensical attempt to market ebooks.
Can you believe there have already been two Abraham Lincoln movies out this year? When was the last time Abe made an appearance on the big screen?
I’m not going to look it up or anything, but I think it was Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, right? Doesn’t he come out at the end and say something like “Party on dudes!” I actually don’t remember. That movie came out when I was like three years old. I remember my parents rented it for me one time when I was maybe seven, but what’s the point of showing any movie to a seven-year-old? They’re not going to remember it, one. And two, do you think a little kid has the attention span necessary to comprehend exactly what’s going on? I still have no idea what that movie was about.
When TV shows break for the holiday season, what remains is an entertainment vacuum that is quickly filled up with Christmas movies. From now until 2013, whenever you flip through the channels you’ll come across a wide array of different Christmas movies — some good, some bad and some not even Christmas movies to begin with.
Here are the 24 types of Christmas movies you’ll inevitably encounter on TV this holiday season, whether you like it or not.
1. Classic Christmas Movies – The vintage stuff your grandparents like to watch this time of year like White Christmas and Miracle on 34th Street. The standard Christmas movies we’ve been watching for the past umpteen years, where people sing and dance and decide not to kill themselves at the end.
2. Animated Christmas Specials – Charlie Brown, Frosty the Snowman, the Grinch — the usual crowd. It’s not going to feel like Christmas unless you see them and you’re definitely not going to see them because who the hell even knows when they play that shit anymore. Like 6 PM on a Saturday in November?
3. Claymation Christmas Specials – Speaking of which, you’re also going to miss the Claymation Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with the Bumble and Hermy and the goddamn Charlie in the Box. But you will catch any of the bastardized sequels where Rudolph and Frosty celebrate like Cinco de Mayo or something.
4. Christmas Comedies You Could Watch All Year – You could feasibly pop in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation if you wanted to watch Cousin Eddie empty the shitter in the middle of August, but it just never feels quite right. If the themes of movies like Elf and Scrooged weren’t so intrinsically connected to “that Christmas spirit” we’d probably be watching them year-round like we do with Groundhog Day.