“Later, alone, in the kitchen Mitt stares at his father, agitated, waving the card. “A gold mine. A gold mine, dad! And you won’t cash it in.” George shakes his head sadly, unable to make eye contact. Mitt wipes his mouth. “Why are you wasting your time with cars? And… politics?” He catches himself, and lowers his voice: Lenore is asleep, above them. “You’re a fool, dad,” he says, tossing the card to the floor and walking out. George Romney stoops to pick up the card, eyes red. It is heavier than he remembered.”—Seven Ways of Looking at the News That Mitt Romney’s Dad Got Free McDonald’s For Life by Max Read. The finest wit applied to the most strangely resonant anecdote.
But the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim are just like any other boring NHL team. They don’t ever quack to get themselves pumped up, there seems to be little to no focus on the patented triple deke technique, and they have yet to ever skate in a flying V formation.
You know, I don’t ask for much — I just think that if I’m watching a hockey team called the Mighty Ducks then somebody better be using a lasso at some point.
Pizza, round, magic as can beeeeeeeeeee On your plate: the pizza of your dreeeeeeaaam Make believe it’s everywhere Bite into a slice Slingin’ up some lyrics You’re a dancer to a Neverending Piiii-zzaaaaa Aaaahhh, aaaahh, aaaahhh
Eat a piece, eat a fantasyyyyyyyy Dream a dream: and pepperoni pleeeeeeeeaaaaase Slices don’t keep secrets You can fold it up and chow And there upon the calzone…! Is your answer to a Neverending Piiii-zzaaaaa Aaaahhh, aaaahh, aaaahhh PIIIIII-ZZAAAAAAAAA!!! Aaaahhh, aaaahh, aaaahhh!!!
[harpsichord bridge] [electric bridge to pizzatown]
Vol-un-teer, for pizza take-awaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy In your hands: the birth of a buff-eeeeettttt Slices don’t keep secrets You can fold it up and chow And there upon the calzone…! Is your answer to a Neverending Piiii-zzaaaaa Aaaahhh, aaaahh, aaaahhh Neverending Piiii-zzaaaaa Aaaahhh, aaaahh, aaaahhh Neverending Piiii-zzaaaaa Aaaahhh, aaaahh, aaaahhh Neverending PIIIIII-zzaaaaa Aaaahhh, aaaahh, aaaahhh Neverending Piiii-zzaaaaa
Ladies and gentlemen, a song about pizza set to the Neverending Story theme.
“Kate was one of those girls with long, normal legs that reached all the way down to the floor. When she took off her shirt, her breasts would turn beet-red with feigned modesty, yet they knew exactly what they were doing. She never used the bathroom without shutting the door. Kate had a full head of hair, and believe me, both of her buttocks were the same damn size. Kate had it all. Try to picture a woman with a vagina.”—
Both shows feature six kids, three from each side of the marriage, however Step by Step tries to mix it up by giving the dad a daughter and the mom a son. But the daughter is a tomboy who goes by Al, a straight-up boy’s name, and the son Mark is a little dweeb who is so devoid of testosterone he might as well be Cindy Brady.
At some point I was expecting Staci Keanan to get hit in the nose by a football.